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Faith Post - Making Sense of My Purpose

Thursday, September 27, 2018
faith, personal-growth, self-love

I cannot recall a season in my life where the weight of this world was not insistent on breaking my spirit. The many attempts have often felt personal and as a result my heart hardened over time. I picked apart my life little by little assuming there was some big aha! moment that I would discover and life would finally make sense. My best guess is that I believed having a solid answer would soothe the pain in my soul. I was wrong. All it led up to was me chipping away at my own authenticity. 

I felt like healing was far away. I believed lies like I wasn't the right fit for anything and being from a broken home meant I would always be broken. Lies like my past was who I was bombarded my thoughts. Some of these horrific lies came out of the mouths of others. Some of them from the enemy. Some of which I told myself when I felt like it was impossible to move forward. The idea of closing up shop and starting over was more appealing by the day. 

I used to think that putting the needs and desires of others before my own was more important and in some twisted way I would finally be loved for me. Later I would come to understand that the denying of self is deeply intertwined in a message of love from the Father; rather than the religious mindset I early in life.

Storms exposed the dwellings of my heart. When I chose to give my life to Christ, I knew that I would be made new but no one warned me that my soul work would be a process- and not an easy one.I knew for certain that I believed that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for me (1Peter 3:18). I knew I was certain that scripture clearly says that God is love and perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

I laid down perfection. I knew that if I really wanted to experience the peace that surpasses my understanding, I would have to let go and trust His will for my life. As much time as I spend tracking goals and planning out my life, I know that at any moment, those things can change.

I learned to love myself despite what others think of me. Everyone will always have an opinion of what my life should look like, what I should look like, and even how I should pursue my relationship with Jesus. People can be fickle. What I think about myself will manifest in the natural. I am confident. I am worth all the love God has for me. I once had a very noble pastor say something so profound. I never forgot these words," If you live by their praise, you'll die by their criticism."

Not everyone will understand. Not everyone will care about the scars you bear from your past. I stopped singling myself out. God will intentionally put safe people in your life but it will take time to build relationship. Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have a book called Safe People. It explores the ideal safe person's character. It also talks about how to become one. I read this book and it completely changed my perspective about people. I learned that it would take me some effort to open up and get to know others even if they don't believe or think like I do.

I gave myself permission to breathe and accept my perfect validation from Jesus Christ. He loves me and all of my scars. He loves my very form (Psalm 139:15-17). The greatest thing of all is that He will never run out of this perfect love. He can cause the storm to cease and give you peace within. Trust him.

I have not figured out all how it all works but I do know this: My purpose in life is to love wholeheartedly out of the abundance of the Father. As I draw from Him, all of the cracks and crevices of my broken places shine brightly because of His light within me. I am not my past. I am not a slave to people's opinions. I am not bound by low self-esteem. I am a confident daughter of Jesus Christ because greater is He within me than He who is in this world (1 John 4:4).

 I don't share these things to preach at you or to have a come to Jesus moment. I write them because feeling lost is a feeling I never want to experience again. I would never wish it on anybody. I want you to know that even if you don't believe like I do, you are not alone. Making sense of who you are and why you are on this Earth can be rough. As a believer, it is part of sanctification which is life-long. 

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