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Knowing Your Tribe + What To Expect

Monday, August 13, 2018
friendship, personal-growth

Finding your tribe can be difficult. The older we get, maintaining the ones we already have are our primary focus outside of the new ones we make in our circle of influence. This can be at work, church, online, and within the community.

As mentioned in my previous post, one of my life goals is to be healthy in all ways. This goal includes having healthy relationships. As I have grown, so have many of the relationships around me. Some have grown closer and others have grown apart for the better. Among social media, there is a trend in learning what it means to find your tribe.

I have stayed up reading article after article learning about attraction, prayer, manifestations, self-help how-to's, and goodness knows what else really trying to understand if I've found mine or have just completely missed the bandwagon my tribe was on. 

When I think about a tribe, I think of people who have the same interests as me, similar goals, they are authentic people who love their lives, and themselves. I have also found that many believe that you must be the person you want to attract. I agree with this to an extent.

My reasoning is simple. The depth of the friendship, in my opinion, can adapt to fit the season of life for both parties. For example, the friendship may be built off of common ground. You may really enjoy doing activities together. From those activities, you both share more about who you are.

Friendships that withstand the test of time typically have an ebb and flow of fun times, mentor, and mentee roles where one of you may need more encouragement depending on the season. This is totally okay because we should be constantly growing as individuals. Iron sharpening iron, right? That kind of relationship is basically goals! So I assume that most of the content is for the initial stages of a tribe and that is a GREAT place to start.

I feel like many of us have experienced what it is like to end up in the wrong tribe and if you are like me, just needing some reaffirming that you haven't completely lost it trying to figure it out, there are ways to help you make a determination!

Many of the longtime friends I have today are intentional friendships. Communication is a large part of it. You do not spend all of your time trying to decipher what the other person is trying to say or do. You do not have to wonder about the intent of the other person.

Someone is always scheduling a call, text, coffee meet, or Facetime to stay in touch. I think this is so important. It doesn't matter how busy you are. When you care to find the time, there will be time.

There is freedom to express who you are and what you believe without backlash. There is no fear. There is no anxiety. No sugar-coating necessary. It is a level field. Why? Because of mutual understanding and respect.  A judgment free zone does not mean automatic agreement on everything but you know you have each other's back.

We cannot make everybody happy. Reality is, people who love you dearly will still have other interests. Other interests mean spending time with other people. I promise you it does not mean the end is near for your friendship.

Whether you adapt to get to know a different side of each other or just simply continue to spend time together, you are confident enough that your friendship is not threatened by the "other".

You feel empowered when you are around each other. Personally, on days that I need encouragement, I know that I can call my friends and they will remind me of who I am, Who's I am, and the goodness I am capable of. They know the same applies if they need me. You simply bring out the best of each other! 
"I hope you find someone who speaks your language so you don't have to spend a lifetime translating your spirit." -Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis 

Keys to Staying Focused on What Matters In Life

Friday, August 10, 2018

Life can bring about a variety of experiences. We are shaped and molded into who we are today by them. We leave our footprints in the sand and go about our lives unaware of the impact we have on each other and this Earth.

Time passes and we look up and realize what is really important and what matters the most. Over time, I've come to learn more about myself. When my focus shifts to what is truly important to me, I recognize how beautiful growth can be if I let it.

When I sit down and think about the life I want for myself, I usually insert healthy in just about every goal I have. I can admit to holding on tightly to relationships, jobs, and situations that caused more trouble than they were really worth.

I would like to think we all have some sort of internal clock within us. It allows us to sense when a season of change is in sight and when another is ending. When there is resistance to change, our symptoms are like rope burn. We experience pain. Then there is a healing process that takes place to get us to where we need to be. When we choose to let go, we may be holding our breath on the way but we eventually find peace in the season ahead. We reap the good fruit of going with our gut!

If there is a secret formula out there that will teach you how to live in the present while accomplishing goals, I have not found it. In fact, I haven't even looked for it if I am being honest. Winging it isn't an option for me either so I kind of stuck with the ol' work hard play hard mantra to avoid hitting every metaphorical stair along the way. Losing sight of what matters blindsides us and leaves us vulnerable. 

If you find yourself losing sight of what is truly important, don't worry. All is not lost. There are many things you can do to set yourself up for success. 

Create a vision board.
This is a board you can be really creative with. You write down your life dreams, add pictures, cutouts, you name it. It is for the purpose of keeping you motivated. Have fun with it! Think about what you value. This board should make you happy.

If you find that your emotions hit a snag along the way, it is okay. All that means is a part of you requires a little more attention and healing. Don't let it be the reason you do not complete your board. Visualize yourself accomplishing everything on that board!

Consider Time.
Sometimes we all have to do what needs to be done for the time being. It is a place of temporary survival. When you look up 20 years later and you've made that temporary position long-term, that is what I consider wasted time especially if you had not planned on staying there.

Make a list of manageable goals to achieve your dream. You can even confide in a friend to keep yourself accountable. Allow them to follow up with you every once in a while. Don't let time pass you by.

Speak life!
Do you ever feel crappy after complaining about something? I know I do. I think about the words I just released into the air and I cringe. When you feel those words about to spew out of your mouth, stop and recollect yourself. You will have a good day.

You will get through that hard task. You will accomplish that goal. You will do well for yourself. You are successful. You are smart. You are capable! Breaking the habit of being negative will bring clarity to your perspective. 

Find balance. 
Disconnecting will help you find your center. Find time to clear your head. You can do this through prayer, meditation, silence. Shutting off social media for a time helps too. Let your people know that you will not be available during those times to minimize distraction.

 Not only will you gain insight on what you are processing but you increase the measure at which you are capable of helping someone else. 

Keep dreaming. 
"If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." Quoted by Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. Dream big and wild and free! You have to give up on your dreams to live a decent life said no one ever. It is never too late.

Look at that vision board really good and ask yourself if your dream needs to be bigger. If the answer is yes, add some more goodness! The only impossibility is the hindrance you create in your own mind.